My writing prompt for this week is : Share the story behind your current Facebook and/or Twitter profile photo (This didn't come from this weeks list - I clicked the "inspiration" button under the Writer's Workshop!)
Well - I have to first say that I rarely participate/interact on Facebook any more - It was so much fun for several years - but I find more each day that it's a great place for "fake" friends, and people who want to glamourize their lives, and at this point in my life, it is vital for my health to throw away the negative (I can pray for them - but I have to let them go) and keep myself close to those who are positive and help keep me in good spirits. The only time/reason that I ever really use it anymore is to keep up with Photos of my daughter and my grandchildren...but I normally get those directly from her anyway!!!
Anyway - I digress!!! This is my current fb profile picture
This is "my" hand - and though I felt like a bit of a hypocrite when I wrote on myself (I get on to my son CONSTANTLY for writing on himself) I did it anyway!!!
I took this photo probably a week or so ago, and it came at a moment when I was REALLY struggling to find peace, and the love and light of God in my heart.
As I anxiously await the arrival of 2013, it is not so much that I am looking forward to the NEW year - but looking forward to 2012 being gone and behind me. Not feeling sorry for myself - but I have really been put through the wringer this year - faced and fought breast cancer, multiple court visits with my teenage son for possession of marijuana, sent him to a rehabilitation center for 2 and a half months, got dumped three times by the love of my life since I was 12 years old, and learned that nothing you say to anyone - even the person that shares your bed (occassionally), and even if you say it out of concern and no malice is involved or intended - is EVER confidential or sacred. I had a nervous breakdown, committed myself to a mental hospital for a week for stabilzation, and was betrayed by two of whom I THOUGHT were the most important people in my life - the day after I got out of the hospital....which sent me reeling back into depression. I have been fighting it for the last month or so, and what I can tell you - is that I don't believe that I have EVER been closer to God than I am today. I started listening to KSBJ - my radio in my car never changes, and I even listen to it on the computer while I work - some days - the music is the only thing that carries me through the day. I have prayed and read and prayed and read and prayed, and prayed some more. While sitting at my desk one afternoon, reading an inspirational blog (I can't remember the author or the title of the blog - I have read so much trying to find inspiration that I couldn't possibly keep them all straight!!) There was a blurb about - remembering who you are, and remembering that God holds all of us in his hands. Moments after I read the blog, my dear friend, whom I met in the hospital, sent an email to myself and another dear friend of ours, with several photos of God's hands telling us "Don't worry girls - He's got us!" At that moment, with tears rolling down my face, it occured to me that "I" was written on God's hand, and no matter how down, and disparaged, and lonely I felt at that very moment - God was carrying me, and would carry me through this phase in my life, so as I reminder, I picked up my pen, and wrote it on my hand. Unfortunately - the ink wore off rather quickly - but for the majority of that evening - every time I looked at my hand, I remembered that God was holding me. I cried excessively that evening, and prayed even harder, and miraculously woke in a much better frame of mind the next morning. I now look at this photo when I need a reminder, and it always brings to mind this song...
One day at a time, one prayer at a time, and one tiny miracle at a time, God continues to remind me who I am to him....Praise and Glory to his name!!!
Wow! You HAVE been through the wringer! It sounds like while weeding out some major negativity in your life, some real gems are shining through. So glad you have some positive people and your faith to lean on!
ReplyDeleteYes Maam! Thank you so much for commenting, and I look forward to participating in the weekly writing promts! Wishing you and your family a blessed and bountiful Thanksgiving!!!
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